


Cascade

by Ethras



Category: Uta no Prince-sama
Genre: Aine is here too!, Androids, Gen, androids becoming more human as their A.I. develops, comatose connections
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-23
Updated: 2017-11-23
Packaged: 2019-02-05 22:06:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12803397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ethras/pseuds/Ethras
Summary: Stress culminates for Ai as his work schedule reaches heights far too much for even him to handle. In desperation against all he knows, Ai is pushed to flee, leaving behind his friends and maker. Reiji refuses to lose a friend a second time. In all this, the meaning of family will form.





	1. Rainy Moment

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Thanksgiving (to those who celebrate it)! 
> 
> I'm very pleased to be giving on this day of all days, especially with the meaning associated with this holiday! Many people are forced into gathering with family and relatives they do not much like... But I feel at this point in my life, I am beginning to find my own family through my friendships and budding bonds. 
> 
> In the spirit of all that, I give you Cascade!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bad decisions can seem quite reasonable when one is stressed beyond belief, even to an A.I. 
> 
> Ai runs away and Quartet Night struggles to find him.

“Has anyone seen Ai?” The doctor’s unsteady question rang clearly in the ears of those in Quartet Night’s studio apartment. The man had leaned a bit to the side, trying to look behind Camus, who’d answered the door.

Reiji stared out from his place on the sofa, struggling to understand.

“No,” Camus replied, his voice no less chilling than usual. “At least, I have not.” He stepped aside. “Come in.”

Reiji stood quickly, meeting them in the foyer. “You haven’t heard from him?” He asked.

Dr. Kisaragi gripped at the fabric of his coat, shaking his head. “No. Normally we don’t speak every day, but just a while ago, Saotome-san called and told me he’s so far failed all his appointments today,” he said, clearly trying to hold his voice steady. “He hasn’t answered any of my calls.”

Reiji deadpanned. Camus was standing very still with his hand still on the door knob. Ranmaru finally looked up from his guitar.

 _“Eh?_ No way. That guy would never miss anything like that.” He lingered on the thought before realizing what it meant. Ai was...missing? He blinked. “…God, that can’t…” Ranmaru trailed under his breath, setting his guitar to the side.

Camus finally moved, headed for the kitchen. “I’ll bring some tea. Please, sit down Dr. Kisaragi.”

Reiji seemed to resolidify too, despite his shock. This was too sudden… “Y-yeah, let’s sit down and talk about this,” he agreed.

Guiding the doctor to the couch, he sat him down where Ai usually sat, sitting on Ranmaru’s side.

“I thought he might be holed up at the lab, so I checked there before coming over,” Dr. Kisaragi explained. “I’d been so busy yesterday prepping for today’s conference, I didn’t leave my office for some hours. I checked at the shops nearby there too, but no luck.”

“When was the last time anyone saw him?” Reiji asked.

Camus spoke up from not too far away. “Yesterday morning for me. We had a photoshoot scheduled together.”

“Did anything seem odd with him?” The doctor asked urgently.

“It seemed at times he wasn’t paying attention, but his performance wasn’t affected, so I refrained to mention it,” he said.

“That’s weird, isn’t it?” Ranmaru said. “He’s always on top of shit.” He crossed his arms, tapping the ground with his foot in thought.

Reiji looked at Ranmaru before averting his gaze. Yeah, Ai was usually rather collected. With a sigh, he looked to the doctor. “I just came back from my theatre show in Osaka today. I haven’t seen him at all this week.”

Camus came over with a tray of tea and a bowl of sugar, setting it down gently on the coffee table. “That's not much to go on,” he said plainly.

Reiji nodded. “Then, where would he have been last?” He asked.

The other sat down. “I am assuming he made the rest of his appointments yesterday, seeing as Shining did not mention it to Dr. Kisaragi,” Camus answered. He put several spoons of sugar in his cup and stirred.

“You’re right, he only mentioned today,” the doctor confirmed. Picking up a cup of tea, he stared into it. “I’m not sure what’s going to happen to those appointments if we don’t find him, Sao-”

“We can worry about that later,” Reiji interjected, waving his hand in the air in a dismissive way. That wasn’t important. Not as important as making sure he wasn’t in any danger...

Dr. Kisaragi’s head rose for a second before he looked off to the side. “Yes, I suppose you’re right...” He agreed.

“Whatever his last appointment was yesterday may be a good starting place,” Camus suggested.

 _A very poor one at that_ _though_ , Reiji thought, what with at least 16 hours having gone by since. Not long enough to file a missing person’s claim, which left them on their own. Then again, could they even file such a thing, what with his life being artificial?

“Then–” He was cut off.

 _“No!_ No, wait, I _saw_ him!” Ranmaru finally shot out, leaning forward. “I remember now. I saw him last night. I forgot about it until now since I was half asleep, but it was when I went to get a glass of water, ‘round 1.”

“Where?” Reiji pressed, “Did he say?”

“No,” Ranmaru said, glancing away with pursed lips. “He said he was checking on something. Was dressed and all that. I went back to bed.”

Reiji’s head fell. That was no better either.

“And no one saw him this morning?” He asked.

The other two shook their heads.

A stabbing silence overtook the four of them as the reality began settling in. Reiji’s chest tightened as an all too familiar sense of dread took a hold of him.

_Then, Ai was..._

_“So,"_ Camus started, clearly trying to bring them back, “he left last night and was distracted yesterday. I think it’s safe to say he might have been planning on this since then, at the very least.” He drank his tea, frowning. “That does not bode well.”

Reiji let out a tense sigh. He was glaring at his teacup. “Hm, no…”

“But we can look, right?” Ranmaru asked.

The two group-mates at looked at him, surprised. He hadn’t been saying much this conversation. Ranmaru finished his thought. “I don’t want to wait like last time.”

Reiji blinked before looking down. That was when they had almost broken up as a group. He hadn’t been able to take the constant fighting. Back then, it really seemed like they weren’t going to be able to last...

Thinking on that, he wondered, was Ai’s reason similar? Why hadn’t he said anything? What had gone so wrong that he felt he had to disappear?

Pushing those questions out of his mind, he stood up. “Right. Since we don’t have a lot to go off on right now, let’s check around the master course dormitories and talk to Starish. One of them might have seen him. And Doctor,” Reiji said, now looking to him. “I’d like you to call a few people for me while I’m on the road, if you would.”

He nodded agreeably. “Whatever you need.”

The other two members of Quartet Night got up to grab their coats. It was in that moment Reiji was happy for having nearly given up almost half a year ago—it had laid the foundation for them to become a stronger group, one that cared about their unity. They had come so far… So why then had Ai now vanished?

The three of them left their tea on the table—save for Camus, who had been drinking his—and prepped to leave. There was still time today to begin the search, and Reiji had some people in mind to call. Just as he turned to grab a pen and some paper, he felt a tug on his jacket.

It was the doctor. “Thank you,” he said seriously, trying to smile. “I appreciate all your help with this. He is like a son to me after this long, you see, so…” Dr. Kisaragi trailed. Between the two of them, they had both already lost someone dear.

Reiji placed his hand on the older man’s arm in complete understanding. For his sake, he put on a brave face. “I know. We’re worried about him too. But we’ll find him!” He assured him.

As he lead his group to his car though, he wondered, just how was he going to do that?

—

 _Stupid Shining,_ Ai thought while stepping out of a taxi. The parking lot of the marina was _very_ empty; a typical sight this time of year when the weather tended to be too poor for sailing. His lilac suitcase trailed behind him, clunking at every new wooden board down the dock. In his other arm, a very firmly held compact solar unit. The salty air was quite cold on his face, but it hardly seemed to matter.

Ai was sure he had never felt such intense emotions until recently. He knew what these were called, as he’d learned one just this past year after their defeat at the Triple-S concert. This was frustration. With it, next came anger. He knew he was upset. These were things that clouded the minds of the humans he knew, but to him, he still felt clear headed. Leaving on a boat to Korea was absolutely logical.

No one would think to look for him there. He could make a new schedule, a new life… One where people appreciated him and his time was valued. Where his feelings were valid enough that he could handle them.

If it took stealing Shining’s boat to do it? That was more than acceptable, given the circumstances. In the time since he’d been put under Shining’s wing and Quartet Night, he had only ever seen him use it once. Any chance this year that it was going to be remembered was now miniscule at best. Summer was over.

The only problem he was dealing with was that the faces of Quartet Night and the doctor kept returning to his mind, weighing on him like an anchor. Was there no available option in his programming to just remove record of all these people from his life? Format, reset? Something of the sort. This wouldn’t be so angering if he could just forget. Shining especially would be _wonderful_ to delete.

That _jerk,_ piling on so much. What kind of _idiot_ did that to an idol, especially one that he’d _paid_ to practically replace the one who _tried to end his life_ for similar mistreatment? Cretin, he was a _cretin!_

_Oh, you can come up with better than that._

_“Bastard!”_ Having reached it, with a shout, he kicked at the outside wall of the boat, irritated beyond belief. The boat tipped a tad in the opposite direction, but otherwise held steady, leaving Ai no less angry than a moment before.

_There. Feel better?_

“Not really,” Ai grumbled back to the comatose voice that plagued his life, Aine Kisaragi. He walked up the boat ramp to deposit the suitcase of things he’d collected to top off his supplies gathered here this week. From his aggressive stunt just now, Ranmaru came to mind. _Shoo,_ he thought, glaring at nothing in particular.

Flipping the solar panel over, he grabbed a screwdriver and began opening up the electrical grid. Before he could leave, he needed to connect this to an external battery, connect that to the spare charging unit he’d retrieved from the dormitories, and then test. One final act of modification work before he left Japan for good.

Still feeling lousy, he frowned. “I _hate_ this,” he spoke aloud. “You both make it seem as if swearing helps, but it just feels stupid.”

 _Takes the edge off,_ Aine said, _and you are -clearly- on edge._

“Not really, and no,” he replied, returning his focus to his task to hopefully be rid of his poor mood. “Now be quiet. I’m busy.”

_I know you’re set on the land of k-pop, but the bottom of the ocean is always an option!_

Ai slammed his pliers down onto the deck, ready to give a rebuttal and refusal to silence his nuisance.

But Aine didn’t say anything after that.

“…” Ai let out a huff before getting back to work.

Just as well.

—

Having given a call to Shining to cancel the filming later that night, (met with great disappointment, much to Reiji’s annoyance), the three left to see if anyone had news of Ai’s whereabouts.

They split up when they got to the dormitories—Camus having gone to check the businesses he and Ai had partaken patronage at many a time, and Ranmaru in the outdoor paths they had jogged and nearby, like the park.

Hopeful as he was, Reiji did not get very far in terms of leads at the dorms. While half the members of Starish were out on jobs, the few who had remained had not seen much.

It wasn’t until Natsuki had returned from recording with questions of his own that they learned anything.

“Are you all moving again?” The blond from Starish asked, wide eyed.

Reiji blinked in surprise. “Ahh? Again?”

“You all live together!” Natsuki happily pointed out, as if it were not so painfully obvious. “Except, I saw Ai-chan here this morning with a suitcase. I asked him about it, but he said he was too busy to talk.”

When the senior didn’t have any words to give, the younger frowned. “Is something wrong?”

“Yeah,” Reiji said finally, a look of concern washing onto his face. “I think so, kiddo.”

—

With all his modification work finished, and his solar panel out gathering what sunlight was flooding in between the clouds, Ai was now sitting on the floor of the boat, looking out at sea.

With his knees up, he had himself pressed into the corner between the frame of the pilot house and its door. That feeling from before, one he was _certain_ was anxiety, kept tightening above his core. It was almost as if it should have been hard to breathe. It had him sigh, which he hoped would defuse the pressure.

No such luck.

Ai pulled up the hood of his hoodie, recalling his plan. Of course, while he could learn a language just by listening and observing enough of it, he had downloaded an online Korean dictionary for his use. It was, of course, not perfect on its own. But his A.I. was one of the most advanced of their time—he had no doubt he would learn the rules, grammar, and mannerisms in time as he started anew.

He pulled his legs in closer. His A.I.—it was the doctor’s life work. Dr. Kisaragi wasn’t going to be happy he was leaving. Ai only hoped that his friends found what he left for him. He’d done so much for Ai, raised him so lovingly, it would be a crime to leave him without Ai’s most recent sensory data and a few other things. He hadn’t been able to make time for his monthly check up to give it to him, but the extras would be fine momentos.

 _Maybe with all that, he’ll at least know what went wrong,_ he thought solemnly, closing his eyes. Being overwhelmed like this was clearly a mistake in his development. _Real_ people managed stress. Lots of idols did. While he was not a real person, he knew he had managed once before. Why couldn't he do it anymore?

Ai could feel the urging words of another beginning to pull at his mind, but instead of listening, he pushed his cheek into the wall beside him, trying focus on its cold temperature. Camus, this was just like Camus’ touch–

He pulled away, scowling at the sudden thought. No. He was _not_ going to think about them anymore. He was leaving and they were _not_ going to be in his life again. No more Quartet Night, no more Camus, no more Ranmaru, no more...

He shook his head hard. Now he was just cycling the concept futily. “Why do I keep thinking about them?” Ai asked himself, cradling his head down above his knees. “I don’t want to think about them...”

_...if you would just -listen- to me, you’d know it’s because you care about them, you idiot!_

“Shut up,” Ai said, digging his hands into the cloth of his hoodie. “I don’t want to hear you either...”

 _Ugh, I hate feeling you like this!_ Aine shot out. _You can’t -do_ \- _this, Ai. You can’t just leave m_ _–_

There was a sudden pause before he continued. _You know as much as I do that this is a half-baked plan._

“It doesn’t matter,” he answered, “I can’t get out of this any other way.”

_That’s not true–_

“It _is_ true,” Ai urged, his voice sounding very defeated. “It’s only going to get worse. The data _says_ so.”

It had just been adding up, more and more, over months of the year. The stress, the work, the feelings. All of it was too much to bare.

He wasn’t going to change his mind. He was leaving tomorrow, and that was that.

As if in protest, the winds over the ocean began to blow, and the clouds from afar grew dark and heavy over the horizon. Ai looked up again to watch it for a while before returning to his curled up position.

—

Having met up after a rather fruitless hunt, the three returned home.

Reiji, who was quite slumped over the island table, felt the knot in his chest tighten with every passing moment. He looked off at nothing in particular, dinner gone forgotten and cold before him.

 _It’s happening again,_ he thought, fiddling with a fork in his hands. _I’m losing him again._

He closed his eyes. No, it wasn’t Aine, he knew that... But this felt all too similar, even with circumstances somewhat reversed.

After he hadn’t answered the phone, Aine had left Reiji’s life for good, no doubt feeling far too alone in the world. Now, with at least 15 calls sent Ai’s way since he got home, it was _him_ who was feeling abandoned. He sighed, pulling his arms in to cradle his head.

Surely he was thinking too much of this, right? Ai would come home... Ai would return, just as Otoyan had...

Breaking his thoughts was the harsh grip of someone on his shoulder. _“Oi,”_ he heard, startling him enough to gasp. He looked up.

It was Ranmaru, staring hard at him with narrowed eyes. “Snap out of it,” he said sharply, removing his hand. “Moping around like this isn’t going to solve anything.”

He sat up, looking straight at him as if he were in defiance. “I’m not moping,” he replied.  

 _“Really!_ ” Ranmaru shot back in disbelief, letting out a scoff. “I’ve never _once_ seen you go without eating.” He crossed his arms.

Reiji sighed, deflating a little.

“Don’t fuck with me, man,” he said plainly. He stepped behind the island table, swiping up Reiji’s food and adding it to what was left in the pan on the stove. “You’re not the only one who’s worried, so don’t act like you’re alone in this or whatever.”

Reiji found himself blinking in surprise. _Ranmaru_ was the one telling him this?

Pulling a glass container from the cupboard, Ranmaru transferred the food and shoved it in the fridge. He turned to him. “When you have your appetite back, eat. I’ll let you know if we find anything.”

Reiji watched him go, only to realize he had no idea what he was talking about. “Wait,” he shot out, hopping off the barstool to rush over, “what do you _mean,_ find anything?”

Ranmaru turned back, pausing in the hall before continuing with his group-mate following suit. “Camus and I are looking to see if he left anything,” he said.

Reiji made a face of confusion. “Like what?”

“I don’t know,” Ranmaru grumbled, “A note? A letter? It’s not like we have any other fucking clues.” He made a noise of detest. “Asshole, that guy.”

 _He doesn’t mean it,_ Reiji thought in a dazed way, trying to mentally follow as they took the corner down the hall to Ai’s room. It was going to be just as clean as he remembered it.

...Is what he thought, but he was sorely mistaken.

This did not look like Ai’s usual tidy upkeep. Disregarding the sorting of things being done by Camus on the table now, the bed sheets were undone, pillow on the floor. Clean clothes that were half-folded or not at all were put on top of his couch chair as opposed to closet hangers. His shoes were piled to the side, disorderly as could be.

It was like seeing a world shaken by earth.

“You’ve made a mess of the place,” he said softly, coming over to meet Camus at the desk, who was going through binders and papers. A cup of tea lie off to the side, cool as could be. Untouched.

The blond looked up and huffed. “As if. Don’t confuse his mess as our work.”

 _His mess?_ He heard a soft breathy laugh leave his lips.

 _“Ha,_ I don’t get what you mean,” Reiji said, watching Ranmaru kneel back before their friend’s bookshelf, looking over the contents.

“We found it like that,” he replied bluntly, “like a storm came through.” When he didn’t hear a reply, Ranmaru looked back and found Reiji staring at him. “What? I’m just as surprised as you are.”

Camus then wordlessly handed him some music sheets, that of which Reiji blinked at cluelessly before glancing away, far too shaken in the moment to read.

This was _eerie._ Their always organized and orderly Ai had his room a mess. This was feeling more and more like a bad dream. A dream that was going to end _any_ minute now with him shaking like mad before the relief of waking came rushing over him. He froze, waiting for that moment to come.

It didn’t.

He chuckled a little sheepishly, his lips curling up. “Right.”

Neither of them answered him. His smile wilted, and he looked around again in his disbelief before sitting on Ai’s bed. Part of him hoped they would forget he was there and how he hadn’t eaten and just let him and his nerves _be._

The other part desperately wanted a hug.

In the time the other two were busy, he looked over these hastily written and rewritten music sheets. Reiji had no idea Ai was working on a solo song. Besides the fact that no one had requested it of him, he’d been so busy lately...

He could see eraser smudges over specific places, but in others, it seemed he had known exactly what to say. As Reiji heard the notes become music in his head, the words underneath hurt him.

_The color of loneliness that continued to fall_

_The sound of pain, an endless ring_

_It was still there;_

_the nostalgic voice_

_in the gray scenery and_

_Rainy moment_  

He read on, wide eyed at the cold, painful words, stopping where the lyrics ended unfinished.

_The regret that is projected on the water’s surface_

_drives me away to nowhere_

_Is it okay to wish for something to live for?_

It felt like only seconds later that he heard Camus suck in air. Reiji flinched. “Here,” he announced, holding up a sealed envelope tucked between music sheet drafts. “If there is to be anything of the sort, this must be it.”

Reiji and Ranmaru came over quickly, Reiji locking in on the neat handwriting with his lower lip between his teeth. _To My Friends,_ it said.

Ranmaru took it from Camus’ hands and ripped it open. Reiji’s anxiety spiked at the swift motion riding on not a lick of caution. He had opened his mouth to protest, but the letter was out, and with it, a USB zip drive. Suddenly the idea of protesting seemed a lot less appealing than the contents. Camus took the small drive while Ranmaru began to read aloud.

_‘To my friends. I loved singing with you all. Being an idol is rewarding, hard work, and working together as Quartet Night was truly fun. I’m glad I was made.’_

Ranmaru stared hard. “What is this, a will?” He questioned, reading on.

 _‘As you all know, I enjoy challenges. However, I’ve come to realize I’ve met my limit of what I can handle. My schedule is no longer something in my capacity to manage. I’m sorry I’m leaving without notice. Please forgive me._ – _Ai.’_

Reiji’s hand slowly moved to the bottom of his shirt where he gripped at the fabric in ill-ease. Ranmaru’s comment was beginning to look as if it were reality.

Ranmaru’s grip on the paper hardened, the paper crinkling under his hands. “What the _fuck?”_ he scowled. “The rest of this is just him giving his things away.”

Reiji looked to him as if he had answers, but when his face gave way to none, he looked to Camus. He saw the man had a grim expression on his face, but instead of speaking, he got up and put his hand out expectantly before him.

He looked at it before meeting his gaze. Reiji felt a shiver go down his spine as he handed the music back, only to watch him walk away.

“Myu-chan, where are you...?” He began, but the door closed behind Camus with no explanation to be had.

He then found the letter shoved roughly into his chest. The look of anger he saw on Ranmaru’s face next was not unfamiliar to him, but the other pulled away fast, as if the letter were poison in his hands.

“What the fuck,” he said again, unable to hide the hurt as his voice slowly rose. “I’m not going to take his things. If he can’t handle shit, he’s supposed to ask for help.”

His fists shook, as he could not contain himself any longer. “I thought we _talked_ about this!” He snapped, before he too, left in a huff.

Reiji stood there a moment as a sharp quiet befell the space, only sullied by the singular slam of a door from outside. He looked down and turned the letter around, reading the words himself, not sure if he could believe it. The clarity of Ai’s combined handwriting and prose was frightening. And then the will-like portion below tied knots in his stomach.

To the doctor, the files on that zip drive. To Camus, his jewelry and unfinished drafts. To Ranmaru, all his sound equipment.

And to Reiji, a Newton's cradle and his electric synthesizer.

That beloved, well-played instrument of Ai’s that he knew the other had cherished fondly for a long time—the same one he’d let Reiji use in Ai’s lesson on it all those years ago—was to be his.

A chilling feeling in him swelled, and the lethargy and despair that had likened him to fog made way for a gale-wind, pushing him forward in refusal of this reality.

“I’m going too,” he whispered, looking over the disheveled space one last time before setting the letter face down on the table and turning.

“I’m not giving up on you, Ai.”

—

Camus had sent him a music file in an e-mail while he was on the elevator down. Reiji found this odd when texted so, and questioned it, but Camus insisted for him to download it.

He did.

Setting his phone in the adjacent seat to play, he started the car. Just as he was about to bring it into gear, Ai’s sad voice hit his ears.

He froze. This melody, these words... This was the song Ai had been writing and never finished. He sat there, his head pulling back slightly as the music played.

With a hardening expression, Reiji soaked in the tone of his voice. While it was painful to hear, he noticed it was also without the intensity that the music demanded of it. It was as if the energy needed to bring his song to fruition just _wasn’t there._ A wisp of his usual sound.

He realised as Ai’s voice disappeared from the song, the lyrics he’d read having been read out to completion, that all of this had to have been sung on his own time, outside the studio. And in all of this, he sounded tired beyond belief.

The letter, these words, his voice... How had he missed this in seeing him every day before he left for Osaka? His friend must not have been himself...

But the music behind the words went on, perfectly constructed. Hear the pressing melody, Reiji’s grip on the steering wheel tightened as he recalled the words that premised the chorus.

_Even if I ran away, it can’t be saved;_

_this cruel world_

“That’s not true,” he said to himself, pulling his car into drive. “I’ll prove it, this time...”

—

Having driven a ways to clear his mind before he made his next move, Reiji pulled off and parked by the side of the road to look off at the ocean before a stone railing. He must have listened to the song at least a dozen times now. It was for that reason he found himself mouthing the words silently as he looked over the water’s edge.

_‘The regret that is projected on the water’s surface, drives me away to nowhere.’_

“Where’s your nowhere, Ai Ai?” He asked. The cold wind was what answered him, tempting a shiver down his back. Storm clouds were swelling at the end of the ocean, pulling in closer as the hours passed. Already it was starting to get dark.

Digging his phone out of his pocket, he stared at it. Ai hadn’t called once. And while he’d called so many times before...

It couldn’t hurt to try once more.

He dialed.

—

The growing storm was soon to hit shore. Ai could feel the humidity rising, so he pulled himself up and into the pilot’s house where he wouldn't get wet. From where he was sitting, he could no longer see the ocean, but that was okay. It hadn’t quite calmed him like he had wanted anyway.

Curling up into the next best corner, his fingers fidgeted with the phone inside his pocket. He found himself growing restless. The empty time he was biding now was strangely unpleasant. ... _Just once,_ he’d look on his phone once more before he left.

Turning on his phone from being shut off all day, he was met with numerous notifications of so many people. Both Camus and Ranmaru had texted him with urgency. Reiji had called over a dozen times. The doctor... Left him a few messages of _all_ kinds, including a voicemail that Ai had only just begun to listen to before shutting it off, the urge to cry building just a little too close to the edge for comfort.

The temptation to toss his phone into the ocean was high. Instead, he slid it a little ways away from him, covering his face with his hands.

He shouldn’t have looked. That was a mistake. _He_ was a mistake. The doctor was wrong.

There was _no way_ he was like family–

Suddenly, it rang out. He startled, staring at it like a deer did headlights. A familiar face was almost recognizable on the screen, but it was too askew to make out. He let it ring a moment, fully intending to let it pass.

But the pressure in his chest was building. The voice in his head was squirming fervently.

_Answer it, damn it...!_

Finally, nearing when he knew the sound was sure to stop, Ai tossed his inhibition away and threw his hand forward to grab at it and pick up before it was too late—there was no way he was going to find the courage to call anyone himself.

When the line clicked through, Reiji’s heart began to race. “Ai?” He called out, not hearing a hello. “Ai, are you there?”

“Reiji,” he answered dully. It was just an acknowledgment. So he was calling again.

“Ai!” He shot out, letting out a sigh of relief. _At least he was alive...!_ “Ai, I was so worried about you. Are you okay?”

“No,” he answered, staring at his feet. “I’m leaving.”

“Where are you going?” He asked.

Where? Korea. To anyone with any sense, the idea sounded foolish. _He_ knew it was foolish. But all of him felt this was all he could do, that there was no other way out.

Ai debated telling him. It was long enough a moment of debate that Reiji started to get nervous.

“Ai? Are you still there?”

He picked at his hoodie pocket. “I’m sorry, yes. I have a lot on my mind.” He answered, bowing his head as he apologized again. “I’m sorry.”

Reiji frowned, turning around to lean back on the railing. “Don’t apologize. It’s okay,” he told him. “I’m just making sure you’re alright.”

His urge to apologize a third time was thankfully caught in his mouth. His fingers grabbed a handful of fabric now. “But I’m not,” he answered quietly.

“I see.” Reiji was quiet for a moment himself as he gathered his words. “Ai,” he began gently, “I think you’re probably feeling a lot of stress right now. If that’s the case, I want to be here for you. But I can’t do that if I don’t know where you are.”

_Don’t you see?_

He didn’t want to see. Ai felt guilty. For starters, for running away from those who, as he knew all along, cared about him, and now, for wanting and being _willing_ to let all his plans fall to pieces just to see his friend again. Granted, they were not very good plans, but...

That packed schedule was going to return to devour him whole, and yet his resolve was wavering. He could hear himself being urged to speak, urged to answer, and he _wanted to._

Instead of words, his attempt had a noise from his voice box squeak out that sounded like choking.

_What -was- that?_

_It’s just a lump in your throat, geez. Try again!_

“I-I...” He paused, closing his eyes tight. “I’m at the marina.” _Please come. I’m sorry._

Reiji let out a slow breath, feeling some of his nerves uncoil. “The one Shiny-san took us to that one time?” He asked gently to clarify.

Ai made a noise of approval.

He nodded to himself. “Okay. I’m heading over, alright? Don’t you dare move!”

 _I don’t think I can,_ he thought to himself, replying in a tiny voice. “I won’t.”

“I’ll be there soon. Sit tight, Ai.”

With that, Reiji hanged up, and Ai took a deep breath of salty air.

This was it. This wasn’t going to work. He decided then that maybe, just maybe, he would give up the plan to leave.

The only problem was, Ai was scared. What was he going to do now? Shining was sure to reprimand him, and he didn’t know if he couldn’t handle that.

Almost anyone else in the world could yell at him and he would stand, unmoved, but if the president disapproved, he would be brought anxiety beyond no measure. It was _his_ money that gave the doctor the funding to bring him to life. It was pleasing _him_ that gave him his reason to live day to day, to do what he was paid to be. _The perfect idol._

But he didn’t want to live for him anymore. He wanted to live for himself, even just a little bit.

Was that such a crime?

Taking another breath of the sea air into his fans, (which he knew was terrible, but oh well,) Ai heard the rain begin to hit the boat in its steady beginnings. His song came to mind.

He sang softly to himself, thinking back to the lyrics he had not managed to finish. That little project of his had been cast aside so many times in the last two months, and he hadn’t even gotten to work on it in the last two _weeks_.

But it was the work he had been using to vent. Even though the words were sad, they felt right.

Consoling himself in the only way he knew how, he hummed it quietly, concentrating on the rocking of the boat beneath him.

—

It was raining when he got there. Slamming the door of his car just a tad too hard, Reiji ran up the shore line with his arms above his head, looking frantically for his friend. He knew he was here, but where, he hadn’t thought to ask, he hadn’t specified, he...

That was when he spotted the president’s boat out of the many. Something in him told him that _that was it_ , and he found himself running again on the wet wood, breathing hard when he reached it. The bridge was docked.

Someone had to be aboard.

 _“Ai!”_ He shouted, “I’m here! Where are you?”

Ai froze. It was him, it was Reiji, it was... He was here.

_He came for me._

“Reiji?” He called out, urging himself to get up. He heard the squeaky footsteps approach, and he was confronted far too quick to rise. Reiji stood by the doorframe of the pilot’s house, panting a little with a worried look his face.

It hurt to see Reiji look at him like that. It hurt because it was his fault he was making that expression.

He bit his lip.

“Ai,” Reiji said in a low voice, coming close to put his hands around Ai’s for a moment. “Thank goodness...” He kneeled before the other, pushing a smile on his face. “Let’s talk, okay?”

He could feel something growing in his chest. It made him want to cry again.

 _No._ Don’t do that. Talking was... A good idea.

“Okay,” he said with a nod. “What should we talk about?” _Please not what I’ve done, not yet._

Reiji laughed a little. “Oh Ai Ai...” He took a breath before his expression hardened a little. “I need to know what pushed you to this limit. You’re not feeling well, are you?”

Tentatively, Ai shook his head.

“I thought so...” He trailed, letting out a sigh. “Ai, will you tell me what’s troubling you? I’m here to listen, if you’ll have me.”

Ai looked at him with surprise, only to look to the floor. He  _wanted_ to talk, but he wasn’t sure what to say. What was troubling him? It was so many things...

When Ai didn’t reply right away, Reiji smiled again. “We can just sit here awhile. It’s really pouring out there, and we have a nice dry spot, don’t we?”

 _We._ It was that word that pushed that feeling he was having even further. His hand shook, but Reiji had already let go. He tightened his grip so it would stop.

Ai looked over to his friend and nodded. He knew exactly what was hurting him. It was talking about it that seemed monumental. He was quiet a little longer before he opened his mouth. “You won’t get angry?” He asked.

“If it’s hurting you,” Reiji answered warmly, shaking his head softly, “there’s no way I can be angry.”

Hearing that was enough. Ai pulled his hands into his lap to look at them.

“So much is expected of me,” he said. “I don’t make mistakes because I have to be a perfect idol for Shining. He’s the whole reason I exist, and he puts so much pressure on me to please him every time I do anything, without fail, and I know I can do it, but–” He paused, gripping his hands.

“But lately I’ve been _feeling_ so much more, and sometimes, it actually seems like it could _consume_ me. I wanted to run.” He took a breath of air into his fans, that feeling in him growing bigger still.

The urgency in his voice swelled. “It’s overwhelming, and I cannot even get a break to handle it because everyone expects so much of me! So I act like I’m fine—I’ve always _been_ fine—I could handle anything given to me.”

Ai moved his gaze to Reiji’s eyes. His eyes were wrought with shock by the raise in his voice, yet he went on. “But now it feels like it’s becoming too much, and I don’t think I can anymore.”

He watched as Reiji swallowed, likely shaken, but Ai processed none of his expressions yet, far too concerned with expressing the unstable data that was emotion, these feelings that were too much to handle alone.

He had to speak. He had to do this.

He could not live keeping this to himself any longer.

Realising the expression on his friend’s face, he let up the stare and looked away. “I...I need to sort myself out, and I need to have time to do it, but Shining just has me do more, all because I’m trying to be efficient to _get_ that time. I...” He trailed, sensing a prickling at his eyes. His voice was growing morose as that feeling in his chest seemed to reach a tipping point.

“I’ve _ruined_ things for myself. My minute schedule has gotten so narrow recently, and the things I used to do for fun or calm in the leisure time I _do_ get aren’t making me feel better, so I just go to bed instead, and I don’t ever feel good.” His voice dying, he shook his head with closed eyes. He thought he felt the rain. “I still don’t feel good, Reiji.”

He heard his friend move. “Ai Ai, you’re crying...”

“Huh?” He looked up again and brought a hand up to his face to investigate. A nervous huff left him. Oh. Oh no. Not this. Anything but this.

This was the part of him he hated the most.

“A-ah...” Ai pulled the hood of his sweater down even more, clinging to the fabric. “Don’t look at me,” he begged, pulling himself inward.

This wasn’t something he should be doing. This wasn’t right. Crying was bad, robots didn’t cry, robots were more efficient than humans with their finicky emotions–

Then the hiccups came. He covered his mouth in surprise. What was the doctor’s problem giving him so much to be so human? None of this was necessary to be an idol. None of it at all...

“I’m not supposed to be crying,” he told him, hiccuping again. “I’m sorry. I’m, hh, sorry…”

Reiji crawled a little closer before him on his knees. “Hey,” he said, gently putting his hand on his arm. “Shhh, Ai, it’s okay… It’s okay to cry. If anyone should be sorry, it’s me! I…”

He paused here, trying to collect himself to avoid that inevitable waver in his throat. Strong. He had to be strong right now, for Ai. “I never knew you were under so much pressure,” he told him. “If I’d known, I would have stood up for you better.”

“That’s not your job,” Ai sniffed, “I’m supposed to take care of myself.”

“Shiny-san wouldn’t let you!” Reiji shot back, “We all didn’t let you, and I’m so sorry!”

Ai said nothing to this outburst, merely biting his bottom lip. He felt the sudden lust of Reiji’s body onto his in a tight hug, and as the surprise faded, he brought his own arms around to cling to him too.

This wasn’t _‘heartwarming’_ ; this was something else, but he couldn’t label it. It hurt so badly, but also was...a relief. A comfort of its own.

He could hear himself making the noise that sounded like crying, and it didn’t feel like it was his voice.

But he knew.

He was bawling.

Ai was focusing on his friend, the only thing in his world right now, when he felt the other’s chest begin to hitch. Why was he...? His own voice was weak, as he pulled back to investigate. “...Reiji?”

“S-sorry, Ai Ai...” He laughed, although there were tears escaping his eyes. His voice was like giant shaking paper stock. “I’m a huge sap, I can’t h-help it when I see my friends cry, ha...”

Ai stared at him hard before he hugged him again. He felt the water fall from his face now, but he wasn’t making that noise anymore. Reiji seemed to calm down after a while too, and he felt... Safe.

When they finally pulled away from each other, Ai brought his sleeve to his eyes, cleaning them while observing that Reiji looked far worse for wear than he’d ever seen him. He supposed he likely looked no better. They were quiet a moment before he broke the silence with a childish request.

“I...want hot chocolate.”

Reiji broke into small giggles, holding himself in his arms. “H-hehe, ah, hahaha... Okay, okay!” He took a deep breath and let it out in a puff. “Let’s get out of this dingy place and get something to eat too!” He declared.

Ai blinked several times. “Why?” He asked.

That was when Reiji’s stomach growled. A guilty grin took his face. _“That’s_ why.”

A beat passed before Ai finally smiled.

“Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaah, how I love the warmth of comfort~ Especially in the wake of making my android son cry. It's healthy to feel, I promise! 
> 
> I would also like to take a moment to apologize to Rui Minaduki from Tsukiuta for stealing his song 'Rainy Moment'. I needed something sad by Aoi Shouta, their shared voice actor, and this fit my story perfectly. (Do look it up on Soundcloud if you've got the chance; it's a great song!) Thank you as always for your amazing voice work, Shō-tan!


	2. Like Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are looking a bit better, Ai thinks, but there are still some hard conversations to be had. 
> 
> Reiji and Dr. Kisaragi discuss with Ai about self-care and confrontation.

Reiji was painting a picture in his mind, talking dreamily about eating late at American diners in the car, thoroughly shifting the topic away from Ai’s stress for the time being.

It was nice to hear him ramble on. Usually, it was a bit annoying, but... Right now he appreciated not being expected to converse.

Leaning back to listen to the growing mental image, he watched the shiny, lit up world zoom past, out the window. Car rides were always calming for him, and after the day he’d had, he found himself closing his eyes...

Despite everything Reiji had gone on and on about, when he was gently shaken awake, it seemed he had settled for a specialty café.

Ai watched as a waiter walked past them with her plaid apron swaying, noting the small frills on the border. The rain was really coming down, and the pelting of drops on the pavement was resonating in his ear.

“Might be a small typhoon,” Reiji commented between bites, eating his curry rice with vigor. “I haven’t checked the weather report lately, so I wouldn’t know.”

Neither had he, if Ai was honest. Yet again the holes in his plans were being exposed.

Oh well.

He took a sip from his hot chocolate, appreciating its warmth. Normally, tea was what he went for, but... The weight this had was far more satisfying tonight. Turning to stare out the window, he would have forgotten where he was had his friend not reminded him of his food.

“Ai Ai, you haven’t touched your fries,” Reiji commented. “Did you want to share?”

With that far away urging telling him he was about to _lose_ those fries that he had impulsively ordered, he took one off from his plate and put it in his mouth. The salty flavour was surprisingly well placed beside the lingering sweet chocolate taste. He blinked, his head pulling back in surprise.

 _Whoa._ He _had_ to that try again.

Now that he knew these two items were _strangely_ _wonderful_ together, Ai shook his head fervently. _“No.”_

He then made his point clear by shoving two in his mouth at the same time and taking another sip with a dagger-like gaze.

Reiji laughed, putting a hand up in surrender. “Okay, okay.”  

After that, they ate quietly, Reiji seeming more than okay to let him enjoy his newfound treat, which he appreciated. He noted with interest that he had never seen his friend eat this much, but decided not to mention it.

Of course, they couldn’t avoid the topic forever.

Placing his spoon down, Reiji leaned forward with his arms on the table. “Ai,” he began gently, waiting for his attention. “We need to talk about your next step.”

Slowly setting his mug on the table, he lowered his gaze. “We do.”

Reiji sighed softly. “While it’s not bad to want to please Shiny-san, you need to learn to put yourself first a little more.”

Ai looked at him, unsure of what to say. How could he argue that when he was _made_ to serve others?

“I don’t want to see you get this stressed again,” he went on, “so we need to lighten your schedule a little.”

He stiffened. While that sounded nice, that meant talking to Shining, that meant telling him he couldn’t handle what he wanted him to, that meant–

His thoughts were interrupted. “But before all that,” Reiji said firmly, “I’d like you to consider taking a short vacation from idol work.”  

He blinked in surprise, leaning forward a couple centimeters. “A...vacation?” He echoed.

The other nodded. “You need a break.”

“But...” Ai started, fidgeting with his fingers as he pulled back. How was that even going to happen? Their lives were so busy as it was. And while he wanted to, just a little bit... “What about the schedule now?” He asked.

Reiji bowed his head. “Well, we need to talk to Shiny-san to have things rescheduled. Ideally, it would be good if Dr. Kisaragi was there as well.” He said, holding steady through the name.

When Ai just kept staring, waiting for an explanation, he clarified, “as your guardian, since you’re...young.”

_Oh._

Ai averted his gaze, looking into his empty mug. Right. He wasn’t even 18. While that would be next year, he supposed he technically wasn’t completely responsible for himself just yet. Not for a few more years. “I’ll have to call the doctor, then,” he resigned.

The thing was, he didn’t want to do that. The voice mail he had begun to listen to from him had nearly brought him to tears on its own.

 _“...You’re like family to me, so please_ –”

That was ridiculous. _Aine_ was his family. He was a robot.

As soon as he thought that, he could hear the verbal lashing of that familiar voice gnawing him in disapproval. He let the venom pass over him as he stared at the table.

The doctor would no doubt be upset, Ai knew. He had seen him fret over him for small things, things Ai felt were not worth worrying about, but... Ai had nearly made some very, very poor decisions tonight.

And he missed him.

“Ai,” Reiji called softly, bringing him back.

He looked up. “I’m just thinking,” he told him. After a pause, he sighed, giving the other a few nods. Time to resign himself to his fate, whatever this call would bring. “Let’s go, then.”

Reiji grabbed the check and led him back out to the car under a black umbrella, all while Ai cradled his phone, open and ready. Once they had sat down inside, his friend leaned his head forward a tad, urging him on without words.

Ai stared down at his contact list. He could not remember a time he had felt this apprehensive about calling Dr. Kisaragi, but he supposed the world was full of firsts.

 _Reiji likes those_ , he thought absently, finally pushing himself to press the name.

The line went through quickly. “Doctor?” He asked meekly.

He heard the phone seem to drop onto something before a frantic voice answered him. “Ai! Ai, are you alright?!”

If he were human, Ai thought, maybe he’d feel a sense of déjà vu. This sounded like Reiji, from before. He shifted, feeling awkward all of a sudden.

“Not really,” he answered, “but I’m safe. I’m with Reiji right now. You don’t need to worry.”

“Of _course_ I worry,” the doctor said, sighing. Ai could imagine him rubbing the bridge of his nose right now. “I _care_ about you, Ai.”

“I’m sorry,” he told him, looking down.

“Don’t be,” the doctor answered. “I’m glad you’re safe. If you feel like you need to run away, why don’t you come home?”

 _Home..._ Ai’s grip on the phone tightened.

“I’d like to do that,” he said in a small voice, “If you don’t mind.”

“Ai,” he told him warmly, “you are _always_ welcome to stay with me if you should need to for a while. As long as I live.”

He didn’t know what to say to that, absently bringing his free hand to fiddle with his low-hanging hair. There was that same feeling from earlier with Reiji again. It was small though, not enough to overflow.

“...Is that really okay?”

“It really is,” he assured him. “And I’m sure we can talk to Saotome-san and arrange some time off.”

Ai looked to his friend, who nodded back encouragingly. “Reiji wanted to talk to him about that too.” He said.

“Let’s plan on it. Did you want to come over tonight?”

Ai looked at Reiji again, taking his phone off his ear for a moment. “Can we...go to the lab, Reiji?”

He nodded. Ai spoke into the phone again, “Um, yes.”

“Then I’ll put some tea on. I’ll see you soon, okay?”

“Okay. Thank you.”

The two of them hung up, and Ai was smiling, just a little bit, to himself. That had not gone as he thought it would. He was expecting more panic and upset. Instead the doctor was even going to make him tea.

That feeling he kept having tonight was growing again, but this time, he didn’t want to cry.

_It felt nice._

—

Getting a gentle hug from the doctor at his first step in the door added to the pleasant mood he’d carried on the way over, leaving Ai feeling warm in a way that he didn’t think was bad. A pot of tea was already on the coffee table, and by the time his things were put away and returned and he found himself seated, Ai was feeling _quite_ welcome.

Reiji and Dr. Kisaragi had done most of the talking at that point, Reiji’s tea going forgotten on the table as the two of them discussed for a while how they would all present their argument, and how to bargain, if need be. (Shining could be _so_ argumentative and stubborn.) It seemed they could not wait, as they were planning to go see him early tomorrow morning.

While he appreciated the urgency, Ai’s nerves began to coil. He had never confronted Shining before. Even with the two of them on his side, he didn’t want to do this. Couldn’t he just... Not? His hands tightened.

“It will be easier if I just continue the schedule they’ve given me until there’s time I can take off,” he had tried to say, but the two of them turned and gave him uncharacteristically hard gazes.

Ai, for the first time, almost shrank in his chair.  

 _“Ai,”_ Reiji said firmly, “you nearly left Japan on a boat. _Shiny-san’s_ boat, which I’ll add, you probably didn’t have his blessings to use, did you?”

_Ooooo. He’s got you there._

Ai pursed his lips.

While Dr. Kisaragi looked shocked for a moment, he leveled his expression quickly. “He doesn’t have to know,” he chimed.

“Even so,” Reiji continued, turning to the other, “I can only imagine the amount of stress that led Ai to this point.” He crossed his arms, the intense resolve on him somewhat puzzling to Ai. “It’s not healthy. I don’t want it continuing,” he said.

“And I, neither,” Dr. Kisaragi added, looking to Ai. “A little time to relax is perfectly reasonable, Ai. Everyone deserves to take a break.”  

Ai spoke up, “You’re not really the best role model for that, I don’t think.”

The dumbfounded look on the doctor’s face next was _very satisfying._  He gave a low chuckle. “I try, but you know me...”

Reiji sighed before looking back to him with a softer expression. “Ai Ai, it’ll be okay. Trust me, alright?”

He put his mug to his mouth to drink so he wouldn’t have to reply.

Reiji waited.

Ai mentally grumbled before setting it down again.

“Please don’t fault me for not having full confidence in you. I am simply...” He glanced elsewhere. _“Wary_ of the possibility of his disapproval. I’m not sure he understands I am even under the _capacity_ to feel stress.”

“If he doesn’t understand how your A.I. functions,” Dr. Kisaragi interjected, “then I will just have to _educate him,_ won’t I?”

The clarity he heard in the doctor’s ending words had never felt so... Knife-like.

“I suppose,” Ai answered tentatively, deciding not to argue.

—

Assured and reassured by Dr. Kisaragi that _‘Ai will be fine with me, I promise’_ , Reiji eventually left for their studio to sleep. As the comfortable silence settled in, marred only by a distant pattering of rain, Ai found himself absentmindedly beginning to clean.

Lining up the sofa pillows, gathering the mugs and sugar and putting it all away, he was quite prepared to get a broom next. It was only by the doctor’s hand that he stopped.

“You don’t have to do all this, you know,” he said.

“I want to,” Ai answered. “It _feels_ right.”

The doctor smiled after a beat. “If that’s the case, let me help. It’s _my_ mess of a laboratory, afterall,” he said.

With some hesitance, Ai accepted, and the two of them cleaned together.

It was now, in feeling for the first time in weeks some fraction of happiness in all this housework, that he realized just how horrible he had been feeling, as he hadn’t even cleaned his own room.

He froze somewhere off to the side, completely in awe by this thought. _When was the last time he even -did- that?_

“Doctor,” Ai began slowly, “do humans ever feel so bad they can’t do things like clean?”

“Yes,” he answered, noting his android had paused. “That’s not uncommon. Too much stress and anxiety can make basic tasks very difficult.”

 _Uncle doesn’t know the half of it,_ Aine quipped bitterly.

...Stress and anxiety. Both, no matter what Aine thought, Ai knew the doctor must have experienced before. And he was very sure he himself was feeling those things... So he nodded.

“I see. That makes sense,” he said, going back to work.

Finished cleaning up, he then lied down on the couch and allowed himself a poor position, more akin to diagonal reclining. The doctor rolled over his chair, which Ai had _just_ put away. Ai narrowed his eyes.

“I just wanted to ask a few questions,” Dr. Kisaragi told him.

Ai withheld a sigh. “I am listening,” he said.

The doctor had ended up becoming his therapist.

He asked about when he thought the stress began and why, how he’d tried to cope, if he had, and what had not worked. While Ai had started the conversation feeling somewhat annoyed, as he went on to talk _beyond_ answers to his guardian’s questions—even the topic of _that voicemail_ —he was beginning to think he should have gone to visit the doctor much sooner.

His understanding nods and calm replies to even the things that Ai hated about himself made him believe that maybe Reiji was right.

Maybe everything _would_ be okay.

The data now certainly seemed to agree.

—

Ai knew they had to get going to see Shining. He also knew that without a doubt, a light green overcoat suited his black turtleneck _far_ better than the white. But when the doctor called out to him a third time, he thought that maybe, if he forcibly dislocated his ankle with his other foot, that he could get away with staying here to fix himself and not have to make the decision.

“Ai, come on now,” the doctor said, his patience slowly beginning to dwindle. “Reiji’s going to be waiting!”

Oh. That was right. It wasn’t just the doctor or Shining he was going to be evading if he did that. Tossing his other coat onto the bed of his old room, he pulled his green overcoat on and hurried to the laboratory's front door.

“I apologize—I was feeling particularly indecisive with my outfit this morning,” he told him.

While that wasn’t entirely his reason for dawdling, he would be lying if he said it hadn’t contributed. Looking right today had never mattered more. They were going to argue for him, and he didn’t want to look like an unworthy mess.

Dr. Kisaragi sighed. “I suppose that’s fine,” he said. “I would just like to be sure we can catch the president while he is in his office, though. Before the appointments begin.”

Ai nodded, and the doctor patted him on the back to go ahead of him while he locked up the lab.

Unlike yesterday in Reiji’s car, the trip now to Shining’s office did not relax him in the slightest. He felt his body going stiff, and he didn’t like it.

“If you prefer,” the doctor began without prompting as they waited at a stop light, “I think it’s alright if you would like to stay outside the office while we talk.”

Ai looked over to him in surprise, his eyes wide.

“I...” He trailed, only for Dr. Kisaragi to continue.

“I need to discuss some things with him anyway,” he said, his voice strangely low. “It might take a while.”

Ai just stared. He couldn’t remember a time he had seen the doctor like this outside of his work. It wasn’t until the light went blue and they were off again that he noised an answer. “I don’t mind.”

A sense of uncertainty struck him then, but he wasn’t sure why.

—

It was Reiji who ended up being the one who was late. Held up in traffic caused by a storm accident, he had called and apologized, telling them to wait for him so he could go in first and explain the situation.

That had been the plan.

But as Ai sat waiting with the doctor quietly at the seating area, letting his thoughts cycle and his anxieties perpetuate, the whole idea of this soon no longer appealed to him.

Reiji and Dr. Kisaragi had been planning on representing him. He himself had at least wanted the opportunity to stand in front of Shining, to make it clear that he was _not_ afraid, regardless of his anxieties.

But the doctor had practically told him he should sit this out. Reiji himself had assured him all would be well, casting all the weight on himself. The more he lingered on it, the more he decided that no, he _did_ mind.

And he wasn’t going to settle for it.

He stood up.

The doctor looked up in surprise. “Ai?”

“I’m going,” was all the warning he gave before he turned, _ran_ for the door, and entered the president’s office, unannounced and _alone._

He knew had less than a minute before the doctor caught up, so he steeled himself.

Shining almost looked surprised, but it was hard to tell with those sunglasses of his. “Mikaze,” he said in that heavily rolling voice. “I was beginning to think we lost you!”

“Not yet,” he answered. “There are still things I want to do as an idol.” Ai saw the beginnings of interest on the other’s face, but he did not let them reach fruition before he continued.

The door opened behind him as he told him, “I’m here to request time off.”

Dr. Kisaragi caught his breath, looking to Ai in both shock and wonder. _“Ai,”_ he started, only to be interrupted.

Shining grinned, “but of course! You have been working so very, _very_ hard, Mikaze, and making me very, _very_ proud! I am sure we can find some days in the coming weeks.”

“Sooner rather than later, if you would,” Ai said, hoping he sounded firm.

The look he received told him he had not been expecting him to say that. Of _course_ he hadn’t, Ai had always, _always_ been agreeable for fear of disappointment.

He was almost certain that look was disappointment.

“Now Mikaze,” Shining said carefully, “show business isn’t the sort of industry where everything can be stopped at the drop of a hat!” He put his hands together.

“There must be something you can do,” the doctor began, but the president shook his finger with a _tsk tsk._

“While I would like to accommodate your request, I cannot say with certainty you will have your time off soon. Looking here,” he said with a smile, a tablet on the desk, no doubt his cursed schedule on screen, “it seems you’re as popular as I had hoped you’d be, Mikaze!”

 _No thanks to you,_ Aine and him both agreed.

He heard the door open again behind him. That was surely Reiji.

“Ai Ai!” He called to him, coming over fast, but Ai did not wait for Reiji to interrupt his conversation.

“As much as I enjoy being a part of Quartet Night, I am not unwilling to give up being an idol and call it quits if you do not accommodate me.” He said sharply.

His friend let out a yelp of surprise.

_Don’t stop._

“The amount of work you’ve been giving me as of late has reached beyond my limit of stress, and I quite nearly made some very bad decisions yesterday,” he quickly stated. “I would very much like to keep my wits about me and perhaps not be the next to go quietly into the night like the doctor’s nephew.”

Reiji gasped. He heard some semblance of a shout ring out from within. Whether it was Aine in cheer or shock, Ai didn’t know. It thoroughly jostled him, however, and his head fell forward in a flinch. He saved the poor look of it by bowing.

“I-I apologize for mentioning that; it was inappropriate,” he said, coming back up. “Even if it’s only a few days, I need to take time off immediately. I understand you had to have my appointments recently rescheduled on short notice. I ask you do it again, please.” He bowed again, lower this time, and held there.

Before Shining could even speak, Reiji spoke up. “Shiny-san, I’m begging you too!” He said loudly, bowing as well. _“Please!_ I don’t want to see Ai Ai _cry_ again!”

Ai didn’t like that his episode was being put out in the open, but said nothing about it. A large part of him felt the president would not believe such a ridiculous claim anyway. A robot, crying. Only Dr. Kisaragi would ever make such a thing. It was in the next moment he felt the doctor’s very hand on his shoulder. He rose to look at him.

“Doctor?” The look on his face was... No, he didn’t know this one. He was smiling, but it seemed more than just pleased. Ai’s core stirred, feeling validated.

“Well, well...” The president's voice shook them back to focus. “You are quite persuasive when you need to be, Mikaze,” he said, grinning next. “I admire that!

...Did he just mishear? _Admire?_ He found himself staring.

“We will have to determine _just_ how much is enough and below so this does not happen again,” Shining announced with weight.

Reiji rose, leaning in a little to ask, “So then...?”

“I am almost certain I won’t be able to reschedule _everything_ in the coming days,” the president said, “but! I believe some jobs can be turned down.” He looked Ai in eyes with a smile before saying, “I will look into this and have you contacted later.”

Before Ai could gain any semblance of surprise _or_ relief, Dr. Kisaragi spoke up.

“On that note,” he said, stepping forward, “there are some other things I need to talk to you about, if you have time, Saotome-san.”  

His shades seemed to shimmer. “Of course, anything for you, Doctor!” He answered loudly.

Reiji pat him once on the back, drawing his attention away enough to jerk his head to the door, his expression somewhat unlike him. Now was their time to go.  

He had survived.

Not nearly as well as he had hoped, though, as by the time he returned to the sitting area, his anxiety had made its presence known to him again, minimizing any effect of his relief.

In retrospect, he didn’t think it had actually left since getting here. Shining just _did_ this to him. As for how he’d managed to say all he had in that room under the pressure, he had no answer.

Slowly he started taking off his coat. Everything felt hot... Had his fans even been running at all in there? A low whurr seemed to come from the back of his throat for a few seconds, and he allowed himself to slump on the couch.

Reiji picked up a magazine off the coffee table, plopped down beside him, and started fanning.

He heard him suck in a breath and let it go. “That was really courageous of you, Ai Ai!” Reiji soon said in a cheery voice, “are you going to be okay, though?”

Courage. _That_ was new.

Ai looked at him in a tired way with his answer. “Yes,” he replied. “You have seen me overheat before. I will be fine.”

While that wasn’t exactly what Reiji meant, he let it be, fanning away. Ai appreciated it.

“Did you...mean what you said before?” Reiji asked after a while.

Ai looked at him lazily. “Please be specific.”

“What you said about quitting Quartet Night.”

He didn’t reply right away. “...No. I learned once about bluffing. I think I made the right decision to do so.”

Reiji let out a hard sigh. _“Geez,”_ he whined, “You totally scared me, Ai Ai!”

“I apologize,” he said, closing his eyes in an attempt to relax. “It was not my intention.”

The other pouted, although Ai would not see.

“I don’t understand why I did that, though,” he mused quietly. “It was impulsive of me to go in by myself. I’m not usually like this.” He understood his actions as a ‘results-over-risk-factor’ decision, but that didn’t help him understand _why_ he’d proceeded with it.

“Courage can make you be willing to do scary things,” Reiji said in a reassuring voice. “So can fear. It’s normal.”

Courage and fear. Ai let his words sit, letting out a pensive noise. This was too complicated to think about while hot. Footsteps grew close. He would have tried to think on his justification matter further had Reiji not called out.

“Ah, Myu-chan, Ran Ran!”

Ai looked up to find Camus and Ranmaru coming their way. He more properly sat up. “What are you two doing here at this hour?” He asked.

Ranmaru averted his gaze. “I was around; for recording, obviously,” he replied gruffly, the poor quality of his lie rather apparent.

 _Why bother lying if it isn’t convincing?_ Ai thought. Just as he felt the need address that matter, he was startled as Ranmaru punched him on the shoulder.

“O-oi, Ran Ran!” Reiji scowled.

Ai stiffened, looking up at his offender with narrowed eyes. “What was _that_ for?” He asked.

“For being an idiot,” Ranmaru said simply, looking away again somewhat awkwardly. “Ask us for help if you need it next time, asshole. We’re in this together now.”

He stared at him with newfound understanding, the tension in him fading. Even through his insults, Ai felt that other warmth begin to filter through. He blinked. “Oh.”

Ranmaru cared about him too.

“I am here on business as well,” came Camus’ cool reply, taking Ai’s attention away from the other. _That seems to be truthful,_ Ai thought, but he never knew with him.

Flicking his hand in an airy ‘shoo-shoo’ manner, “Move aside, both of you,” Camus commanded.

Reiji took himself and his magazine fan away, and Ranmaru stepped back to allow Camus to stand before him. The next thing Ai knew was Camus’ frigid hands on his head. After a few seconds, he sighed in relief. _Perfect._

At the end of the eight seconds before his friend pulled away, Ai and Camus’ eyes met. He stood tall, as domineering in appearance as Ai had always seen him.

“I do not have all the time in the world to be spending on others,” he said bluntly, “but should you ever need my assistance, let it be known. Time can be arranged.” In Camus’ eyes, Ai sensed a strange look of sincerity. It was striking.

His own eyes widened a little in his surprise. That warmth shone in him again, even as his expression settled. “Thank you...,” Ai trailed.

Camus didn’t say anything to that, merely taking a zip drive out from his pocket and placing it in his lap. He then touched Ai’s shoulder with his hand and left for whatever business it was he had. Absently reaching for the drive, Ai watched him go.

This... Was that same welcoming feeling he'd felt at the doctor’s laboratory in coming ‘ _home’._ _I hope I can give it a name,_ he thought, touching his chilly cheek with some fondness.

While Ai sat there wondering on that, Ranmaru said his goodbyes. “Well, see you,” he announced, turning to go. He paused a few steps away. “Text me if you want,” he said, after some hesitance. Then he kept walking.

Ai let out a huff at that. He could be so very indirect...  

Reiji grinned wide though, turning to him with joy written all over his face. “They’re so _cute_ when they’re all worried over you, Ai Ai! I think my heart’s swelling~”

“See a doctor, then,” was his casual reply.

The other stiffened, only to slump a little. “Aaaah, you’re no fun...”

But Ai just smiled to himself.

Like the doctor had told him the night before, he decided the care Quartet Night had for him was very much like family.

How warm.

〜

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awww! I love chosen family themes; they're so healthy and heartwarming, it makes me so happy. 
> 
> Also, another small apology: due to my own loving of hot chocolate/chocolate shakes and french fries, Dr. Kisaragi gained my tastes and subsequently gave them to his artificial son. If you do not like such a thing, I hope you can imagine for just a moment a world where that combination is divine and bliss.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading! Please leave a comment if you enjoyed any of this. I certainly had a fun time writing it! 
> 
> —Maru


End file.
